Posts Tagged With: work

Life on Purpose: What makes you feel great about yourself?

To see the full list of questions, head here.

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

I feel great about myself when I think about two things: My relationship with my husband and my accomplishments that seem impossible. I feel amazing when I think about what I have done.

I have a lot of self-hate and self-deprecation going on in my head and my heart and its not right and it’s no ones fault but my own. Sometimes I let that steal my happiness away even when there are things that I should be proud of. I let that steal my happiness when I have a life that I wanted. I let that steal my happiness even when I somehow have a husband who does nothing but support and love me like a rock. I let that steal my happiness when I can look back to some of my deepest days of self-hate and I see that I was beautiful then… and I refused to see it. I let that steal my happiness and therefore I let that rule my life.

I was NOT created to hate myself. I was not created to be boastful. I was created for a reason and I am loved. I should feel GREAT about that!

So… I feel great about myself when I think about the value I have placed on my relationship with my husband and the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt that we are meant to be, and we are taking care of that love feverishly, recklessly, selfishly, and single-mindedly. Our together-ness is the birthplace of all of our dreams. Without him, and without me, and without the love we were given through God, none of these dreams would even be thought of. A better life? A small business that is anything but small to us? Kayaking the east coast? Moving where we want to be? It is because of love that we have done any of these things and why we dream still.

I feel great about myself when I think about the fact that I decided to pursue a life different than the easy path, and I see that I am walking that harder and more rewarding path.

I feel great about myself when I look in the mirror and see less of what I decide to hate, and more of what I love.

I feel great about myself when I remember that this body, that I simply refuse to love, kayaked from Lubec Maine to Key West Florida. When I remember that this body that I hate, hiked, climbed, and canoed for 21 days in college, in spite of the tears and self-doubt. I feel great about myself when I stand in Tadasana, sure of the legs and back and shoulders that are strong and keeping me up.

I feel great about myself when I realize that in less than 3 years, I really AM a wedding photographer, and it is not only my job, but my career, and I CHOSE it. It didn’t ”just work out.” I made it work. I haven’t given up. I won’t give up. Who knows if this is what I will do forever, but I promise you that if it ends, it will not be born of giving up.

I feel great about myself when I see those traumas in my life and I can step back even a small amount and see that with God, I have come out stronger. I am no longer a victim of those events, but a carrier of the story that I can tell, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is. I am proof.

The Fix 3.12.12 0018

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

(Thank you Sue Bryce for being open and heartfelt… you are a part of my story now.)

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Recent Happenings 2.4.13

Happy monday…

I feel like I should be a little better about actual updates on actual happenings in our life. The idea was spawned from 2 of my friends who came back to blogging (Kacie and Josie) and it was nice to really read what has been going on with them in a platform that is so much more restful than facebook or twitter. I want to be able to go back and read about OUR life too. So… here goes…

We have been trying to find peace in 100 different ways. It seems that peace (the counter balance of stress for us) is something that we were hugely lacking last year. I can’t tell you the number of times that we just collapsed in front of the TV (blast that thing) and didnt talk to each other for 4 hours… just to find our Zen. I dont like that. I dont like that the only place that I can find relaxation is with TV. The funny thing is that TV is actually stimulating… not relaxing. I want to cancel the cable… just because it feels like a drug that zaps my creativity and happiness away… to settle for something completely un-cool. Perhaps Im being a little dramatic but thats just how I am.

Lately Dan and I have been working on peace finding down a lot of different avenues. We are organizing our finances finally. We are keeping a close watch on both business and personal and using spread sheets and mint. It has not exactly made a HUGE change so far, but its only been one month. The one thing I will say for it is that I FEEL more in control, which is half the battle right? We have a small amount of debt and some lofty goals and we want to be able to not only be responsible (in the Dave Ramsey way) but also be brave with our money. One big change… and freeing change… is that we have finally started tithing. It has always bothered me that we dont tithe, especially since we dont go to church and we make more money than the typical american. I want to give back and i felt guilty basically every single month, not giving. We are actually tithing now and it really does make me feel less horrible about myself “Jesus-wise.” I know that Jesus and God dont need my money, but I also know that I dont need it as much as some people do either. (I talk like we are wealthy, which we are not). So thats whats new there.

We are also trying to do yoga more. Yoga is good for the body and it is good for my mind. I feel like my brain is going a million miles a minute and yoga is the only place so far that I have found can calm that beast. its a struggle and im not very good about actually going… but I try.

Veganism is a fight daily. All I want is non-vegan food when we are trying to be vegan. Its yet another beast that I wrestle with. I have found a few AMAZING recipes that help and I will keep fighting. (dont mind last week…. that was a fail :)

On a positive note, now that weddings have stopped and I can get my hands around the to do list that was a mile long, I am finally able to do a few personal projects that I have wanted to do for literally years. That is what this winter will be for me and I couldnt be more excited about it.

<3 b

 

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Day one of FULL TIME!

What an unimaginable blessing. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am now that I am not working for someone else, but rather for myself, my husband, my future, and my brides. It is a feeling that is unmatched. Today started like any other day, but there was a feeling of calm about me. I enjoyed some tea with my husband, tidied the house, did my hair(!!), started a workout program, created an organizational system for my daily to-do’s and meal planning. I stayed on top of the dishes, ate raw whole foods, did an hour of social media work for Charles River, replied to all my emails, and thats just the beginning honestly. I can’t believe how happy I am just being able to take care of everything that we really need to do in our lives, and still be able to have time with Dan and is uninterrupted by work. Whew… this is amazing so far.

The Daily to do list for now: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/12/free-daily-planner-new-habits-free-daily-planner-printable/

The Workout: http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/02/day-1-of-our-30-day-challenge-fit-test/

Happy Bethany!

 

 

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Week Four

Jan 22: It was a crazy busy day at work. We got off at 3:00 and watched TV till we fell asleep.

Jan 23: The managers talked with us about the future of our jobs.

Jan 24: Dan fasted and we fought. He had decided to move to Maine and then prayed and found peace with staying here. We celebrated over dinner.

Jan 25: Lazy day @ home. Dan talked to the managers.

Jan 26: Morning @ the grocery store and picked up Flameing June at the frame shop

Jan 27: Celebrates Marks birthday at work but it wasnt actually his birthday. Zach and Jody on creative live.

Jan 28: Zach and Jody on Creative live again. Watched it again.

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Week Three

Jan 15: I hate working for someone else. I need to get out. David Gray helps, along with peppermint tea.

Jan 16: Tyler called me. I got drunk.

Jan 17: Day on the couch. Im attempting to make the right phone calls and decisions about Tracy.

Jan 18: Went to Maine with Sam and laughed a lot in the evening. I keep thinking about Tracy.

Jan 19: I came home from work. Today was the public announcement.

Jan 20: Funeral. I didn’t go of course.

Jan 21: SNOW! Around 3-4 inches fell.

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Today was an important day.

 Today I spoke with my Bosses at my day job and let them know that I would be leaving in March. My reason is that our photography business has replaced my job, both financially as well as time-wise. Being a wedding photographer as my full-time sole profession has been a dream of mine for years. We have been photographers for a little while now but I have always felt like it was incomplete in a way. The feeling of not trusting it to sustain us is very real. It’s hard to just take a leap and go for it financially speaking. We have had many roller coasters with that, in regards to following dreams. It almost seems as if we dont feel like ourselves if we are not taking big leaps in life. Quitting my day job is a leap for me. I must say, even though the job is not bad at all, it feels incredible to be out on my own… going for it. It feels like me.

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