Jan 16: Tyler called me. I got drunk.

Jan 17: Day on the couch. Im attempting to make the right phone calls and decisions about Tracy.

Jan 18: Went to Maine with Sam and laughed a lot in the evening. I keep thinking about Tracy.

Jan 19: I came home from work. Today was the public announcement.

Jan 20: Funeral. I didn’t go of course.

Jan 21: SNOW! Around 3-4 inches fell.

(I need your help with #3 below)

a few important notes:

1. I decided to stop that 52 weeks project. im just not feelin it. i think the 365 was easier for some reason. weird. perhaps ill take that back up next year. perhaps…

2. I am almost done teaching CPR every day. April 15 will be my last day teaching regularly thank GOODNESS! I think i am beginning to become a bit jaded… and thats never good in my opinion. Bring on some new information please!

3. I cannot make our apartment pleasing to the eye. Perhaps i am reading too many design blogs for my own good but i am eternally frustrated with this place.  eternally… I need some design help and creative solutions for some of our troubles.

a. We have a lot of big bins that we are using for our stuff that we dont use everyday (christmas decor, scrapbooking stuff, outdoor gear galore, etc) and we dont have anywhere to put them other than in the guest room. its small. how can i hide them? how can i get to each bin easily instead of having to move them all around to get to the one on the bottom?

b. we are using our computer as our media source as well and have it in the living room. i want to have a piece of furniture that will hide the CPU and function as a desk. what in the world can i use that look pretty too…

c. we need a couch that is cheap, cute, small in scale, and rather neutral as a design element

d. how do i frame all the lovely things that i want to frame on the cheap?

4. dan and i are having such a great time lately. i say this because it really makes me happy. the kayak trip was rough on me in terms of “us” and now things are better than ever. really. were great and i am soooo happy to be married to him.

and that should wrap things up for now.

help please!

in the old north church

Originally uploaded by bpmuzik

Our apartment is almost completely packed up. Our kayaking gear is almost completely packed up. We are almost completely ready to go.

Today is our last sunday at Missio Dei. Our pastor is back from Ethiopia with his 2 new kids he adopted there. Today is their first sunday. I like that. Im so glad that we get to meet them before we leave. The facebook photos of them are crushingly adorable. God Bless them and their new family of… 8!

Ive been SUPER emotional these past few days. I know that I am getting very very overwhelmed. Theres so much to this. First and foremost of course is the anxiety of the trip, of which i am almost completely exhausted of laboring about that i wont do it here. Other than that, we are moving, becoming “homeless again” and most challenging of all… leaving friends. I just need to get going with this thing and stop thinking about it. I really had a hard time here in Maine but I will miss it. It’s a weird thing.

Hope you are all doing well and good. I will leave you with this video I took in the Old North Church in Boston a few weeks ago. It’s music, a choir singing, and its beautiful. Close your eyes and listen… perhaps even worship the Lord who created this world filed with more beauty than you can possibly enjoy in one lifetime.

2. I think that relationships are the MOST important thing in the whole world and i will put anything and everything off in order to build them. That being said, other than my family, the only relationship that i feel proud of in it’s success is the one i have with my husband. Everything else has either failed miserably or faded away, or simply remains at a “pretty good friends” level and never gets much further. i hate that.

3. My grandpa had a stroke a few years back and since then i have felt like the worst granddaughter in the world. I don’t have the compassion i need to remain normal around him. I almost ignore that it ever happened and just talk to Nana instead.

4. I wish that I could have a big cat as a pet. Big as in Tiger.

5. Oranges, Apples, Kiwis, Bananas, Milk, Ice Cream, Carrots and other seemingly not-so-bad foods, make me sick. 9 times outta 10.

6. Music makes me cry. I friggin love it.

7. Not being in NC has make me miss the state way more than i expected to. I really really miss it. Not Raleigh, but NC itself, as a whole.

8. I adore photography but i know nothing about it. Im working to change that but i believe my self-esteem will always be pretty low on that front.

9. I don’t love kayaking. I love the feeling i get at the end of a kayaking day. There’s a difference.

10. I love to read books about Jesus and God and the whole thing. I love the start doctrinal books, and the emotive books, and the opinion books, and pretty much all of it. I love it.

11. I used to bite my nails. I stopped, cold turkey, when i fell in Love with Dan. I believe that means something.

12. I am bitter and un-forgiving.

13. I love the way i feel after I work out, but I rarely do. I DO NOT like the way i look when i work out. My face gets extremely red and my mouth hangs slightly open, which i find very unattractive.

14. When I look back on my childhood, i realize that i had it made and my parents rocked.

15. I love tv. I love movies. I love the internet. I think it’s stealing my life away though.

16. I think that my diamond ring is pretty much one of the prettiest diamond rings i have ever seen. I love it.

17. I miss being in band. I miss being a part of a musical happening. I miss the music all around me. The ECU symphonic band was one of the most heart-pumping intelligent, musicianship filled ensembles I have ever been a part of and I didnt realize it while i was there. I totally missed it.

18. I love being married. I don’t understand why every other married couple isnt bouncing off the walls with happiness too. Some are but the major majority isnt. I think thats weird.

19. I voted for Kerry almost entirely because Matt Bivins told me too at a show. I think that I was a lame person back in the Jump Little Children days and I wish I could take that vote back simply because it had nothing to do with what i really thought.

20. I love casual comphy clothing and would live in PJ’s if i could. That said, I really wish I was fashionable.

21. I want to live in so many places in the world. Not just visit, but live.

22. If i dont get to Ireland before I die, i will have failed at my dreams.

23. When i have children, I want to have twins. I know it is not something i have any real power over but it is one of the desires of my heart.

24. It bewilders me when people dont believe there is a God. I know that religion bogs things downs, but how could this earth be so amazing, so intricate, so beautiful, without the possibility even, of a creator… its so much more beautiful to believe than to not.

25. I want to become someone that people will always remember and think of with a smile on their faces.