I feel like I’m stuck…. stuck both literally and figuratively.
First, in a literal sense, it is snowing outside, Dan has the car, and even if I had the car, I don’t know where I would go and not spend money. All I see as a possibility for this Sunday would be to sit around and read and watch tv, or do some things on my to-do list that Ive been putting off, which is what I do literally every single day. I gotta tell you, it seriously love accomplishing tasks. It’s my ju-ju. That being said, being alone inside these four wall every day taking care of business and Dan coming home at completely random unpredictable times needing food or some other thing and then leaving in a hurry always, is just not my idea of a good day. Sorry. So Im sitting here looking down the barrel of another day doing the same things is just depressing.
In a figurative since, I am stuck in life. Repetitive mundane days are driving me MAD! I want to live a life of adventure!!! I want to fill my days with experiences that are worth telling my kids about. I want to be outside, on the water, and at the end of the day I want to be tired and eat my dinner knowing that I earned that meal. The times in my life that I felt so alive it hurt, were always at the end of days when I spent the day doing something adventurous To me that only means doing something that was hard, a teeny bit scary, and took effort that someone else may not be willing to put into doing. For example: One day on the kayak trip, Dan and I paddled a really long day and landed on a little island right outside of Portland Maine. We got to the island, set up camp, and then explored a little building that was abandoned there. We took a photo walk, and I even went off by myself and photographed Dan from afar while he got dinner started. We cooked up a little mac and cheese, with our favorite trail secret ingredient: french fried onions! We built a little fire just below the high tide line, plated up our macaroni, and watched the sunset. After it got dark, we called Dan’s mom and just had the kind of phone call that makes you miss your family like you never knew you could. We hung up and just sat together until the fire burned itself out. It was one of my favorite nights in my life. THAT is how I want my days to be.
I know it’s impractical to have an adventure every day, its just that I want my life to be more adventure than not.
Lord, please give me the strength to break free from the chains that hold me too close to the comforts of modern life, that in-turn keep my away from the life you meant for me to live. You have given me this fervor for life, and I want to honor it.