Posts Tagged With: love

Closer to God: Easter 2013

Posted on March 31, 2013 by dbkayak

4-up on 3-31-13 at 11.45 AM #13 (compiled)This morning we didn’t go to Church. In fact, we haven’t been to church in over 2 years… and it’s probably a lot closer to 3 years if I’m being honest. The funny thing is, in a non-prideful way, I feel closer to God this morning than I have in a long time. We have never ceased in loving him or striving to follow him, we simply have not found a home in a church. It’s honestly that simple.

It’s almost noon. I woke up at 7:00 am made Dan cinnamon rolls, set the table with a tiny easter basket, ruby tulips, a card, and fresh coffee. I went back in the bedroom and woke him up with Keith Green’s Easter Song and a waterfall of kisses. We enjoyed a  sweet breakfast full of sugar, read the Easter story, told stories of Easter’s in our childhood, and called our families. Dan left for work and I read a little bit, did my hair and makeup (which I never do but want to start) and listened to a little Charles Trenet as I cleaned the house. The house is not spotless. Im not finished with hardly anything I have started today so far. But I’m smiling. My heart almost burst when I looked down the hallway and saw Hattie standing up and peering out the front door with her tail wagging.

I believe that God wants us to enjoy our lives, as broken, humble, and unfinished as they are. He is close to me today and I am smiling and thankful for his creativity, that fills my day with his beauty.

My hope for you today is that you will be filled with a little happy today too….

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Life on Purpose: What makes you feel great about yourself?

Posted on March 9, 2013 by dbkayak

To see the full list of questions, head here.

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

I feel great about myself when I think about two things: My relationship with my husband and my accomplishments that seem impossible. I feel amazing when I think about what I have done.

I have a lot of self-hate and self-deprecation going on in my head and my heart and its not right and it’s no ones fault but my own. Sometimes I let that steal my happiness away even when there are things that I should be proud of. I let that steal my happiness when I have a life that I wanted. I let that steal my happiness even when I somehow have a husband who does nothing but support and love me like a rock. I let that steal my happiness when I can look back to some of my deepest days of self-hate and I see that I was beautiful then… and I refused to see it. I let that steal my happiness and therefore I let that rule my life.

I was NOT created to hate myself. I was not created to be boastful. I was created for a reason and I am loved. I should feel GREAT about that!

So… I feel great about myself when I think about the value I have placed on my relationship with my husband and the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt that we are meant to be, and we are taking care of that love feverishly, recklessly, selfishly, and single-mindedly. Our together-ness is the birthplace of all of our dreams. Without him, and without me, and without the love we were given through God, none of these dreams would even be thought of. A better life? A small business that is anything but small to us? Kayaking the east coast? Moving where we want to be? It is because of love that we have done any of these things and why we dream still.

I feel great about myself when I think about the fact that I decided to pursue a life different than the easy path, and I see that I am walking that harder and more rewarding path.

I feel great about myself when I look in the mirror and see less of what I decide to hate, and more of what I love.

I feel great about myself when I remember that this body, that I simply refuse to love, kayaked from Lubec Maine to Key West Florida. When I remember that this body that I hate, hiked, climbed, and canoed for 21 days in college, in spite of the tears and self-doubt. I feel great about myself when I stand in Tadasana, sure of the legs and back and shoulders that are strong and keeping me up.

I feel great about myself when I realize that in less than 3 years, I really AM a wedding photographer, and it is not only my job, but my career, and I CHOSE it. It didn’t ”just work out.” I made it work. I haven’t given up. I won’t give up. Who knows if this is what I will do forever, but I promise you that if it ends, it will not be born of giving up.

I feel great about myself when I see those traumas in my life and I can step back even a small amount and see that with God, I have come out stronger. I am no longer a victim of those events, but a carrier of the story that I can tell, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is. I am proof.

The Fix 3.12.12 0018

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

(Thank you Sue Bryce for being open and heartfelt… you are a part of my story now.)

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Day one of FULL TIME!

Posted on February 2, 2012 by dbkayak

What an unimaginable blessing. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am now that I am not working for someone else, but rather for myself, my husband, my future, and my brides. It is a feeling that is unmatched. Today started like any other day, but there was a feeling of calm about me. I enjoyed some tea with my husband, tidied the house, did my hair(!!), started a workout program, created an organizational system for my daily to-do’s and meal planning. I stayed on top of the dishes, ate raw whole foods, did an hour of social media work for Charles River, replied to all my emails, and thats just the beginning honestly. I can’t believe how happy I am just being able to take care of everything that we really need to do in our lives, and still be able to have time with Dan and is uninterrupted by work. Whew… this is amazing so far.

The Daily to do list for now: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/12/free-daily-planner-new-habits-free-daily-planner-printable/

The Workout: http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/02/day-1-of-our-30-day-challenge-fit-test/

Happy Bethany!

 

 

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design dilemmas and more

Posted on March 26, 2010 by dbkayak

First off, long time no blog. sorry about that. i have been getting overwhelmed lately with a TON of things to do. its been a bit nuts around here…

(I need your help with #3 below)

a few important notes:

1. I decided to stop that 52 weeks project. im just not feelin it. i think the 365 was easier for some reason. weird. perhaps ill take that back up next year. perhaps…

2. I am almost done teaching CPR every day. April 15 will be my last day teaching regularly thank GOODNESS! I think i am beginning to become a bit jaded… and thats never good in my opinion. Bring on some new information please!

3. I cannot make our apartment pleasing to the eye. Perhaps i am reading too many design blogs for my own good but i am eternally frustrated with this place.  eternally… I need some design help and creative solutions for some of our troubles.

a. We have a lot of big bins that we are using for our stuff that we dont use everyday (christmas decor, scrapbooking stuff, outdoor gear galore, etc) and we dont have anywhere to put them other than in the guest room. its small. how can i hide them? how can i get to each bin easily instead of having to move them all around to get to the one on the bottom?

b. we are using our computer as our media source as well and have it in the living room. i want to have a piece of furniture that will hide the CPU and function as a desk. what in the world can i use that look pretty too…

c. we need a couch that is cheap, cute, small in scale, and rather neutral as a design element

d. how do i frame all the lovely things that i want to frame on the cheap?

4. dan and i are having such a great time lately. i say this because it really makes me happy. the kayak trip was rough on me in terms of “us” and now things are better than ever. really. were great and i am soooo happy to be married to him.

and that should wrap things up for now.

help please!

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twnety five things about me

Posted on February 3, 2009 by dbkayak

1. I am twenty five years old. I like that. I like being 25 and having a few years under my belt with a lot of years to come, if all goes well. I LOVE not being a teenager anymore, and i love not being newly twenty either. I think it might even be the perfect age… so far.

2. I think that relationships are the MOST important thing in the whole world and i will put anything and everything off in order to build them. That being said, other than my family, the only relationship that i feel proud of in it’s success is the one i have with my husband. Everything else has either failed miserably or faded away, or simply remains at a “pretty good friends” level and never gets much further. i hate that.

3. My grandpa had a stroke a few years back and since then i have felt like the worst granddaughter in the world. I don’t have the compassion i need to remain normal around him. I almost ignore that it ever happened and just talk to Nana instead.

4. I wish that I could have a big cat as a pet. Big as in Tiger.

5. Oranges, Apples, Kiwis, Bananas, Milk, Ice Cream, Carrots and other seemingly not-so-bad foods, make me sick. 9 times outta 10.

6. Music makes me cry. I friggin love it.

7. Not being in NC has make me miss the state way more than i expected to. I really really miss it. Not Raleigh, but NC itself, as a whole.

8. I adore photography but i know nothing about it. Im working to change that but i believe my self-esteem will always be pretty low on that front.

9. I don’t love kayaking. I love the feeling i get at the end of a kayaking day. There’s a difference.

10. I love to read books about Jesus and God and the whole thing. I love the start doctrinal books, and the emotive books, and the opinion books, and pretty much all of it. I love it.

11. I used to bite my nails. I stopped, cold turkey, when i fell in Love with Dan. I believe that means something.

12. I am bitter and un-forgiving.

13. I love the way i feel after I work out, but I rarely do. I DO NOT like the way i look when i work out. My face gets extremely red and my mouth hangs slightly open, which i find very unattractive.

14. When I look back on my childhood, i realize that i had it made and my parents rocked.

15. I love tv. I love movies. I love the internet. I think it’s stealing my life away though.

16. I think that my diamond ring is pretty much one of the prettiest diamond rings i have ever seen. I love it.

17. I miss being in band. I miss being a part of a musical happening. I miss the music all around me. The ECU symphonic band was one of the most heart-pumping intelligent, musicianship filled ensembles I have ever been a part of and I didnt realize it while i was there. I totally missed it.

18. I love being married. I don’t understand why every other married couple isnt bouncing off the walls with happiness too. Some are but the major majority isnt. I think thats weird.

19. I voted for Kerry almost entirely because Matt Bivins told me too at a show. I think that I was a lame person back in the Jump Little Children days and I wish I could take that vote back simply because it had nothing to do with what i really thought.

20. I love casual comphy clothing and would live in PJ’s if i could. That said, I really wish I was fashionable.

21. I want to live in so many places in the world. Not just visit, but live.

22. If i dont get to Ireland before I die, i will have failed at my dreams.

23. When i have children, I want to have twins. I know it is not something i have any real power over but it is one of the desires of my heart.

24. It bewilders me when people dont believe there is a God. I know that religion bogs things downs, but how could this earth be so amazing, so intricate, so beautiful, without the possibility even, of a creator… its so much more beautiful to believe than to not.

25. I want to become someone that people will always remember and think of with a smile on their faces.

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ticking time

Posted on January 17, 2009 by dbkayak

tick tock tick tock…

I know that time is passing at the same rate it always is but to me right now it is doing two very different things. It is both standing still and fleeting by.

This rest of the trip is coming, almost looming, and I can’t wait for it to come and then again… I’m dreading it. There is such a duality surrounding the thing that I almost can’t get a grasp on it at all. I can’t wait to spend my days on the water, seeing new things every moment, solving problems, slowing the pace of life, drinking up all that the sea has to offer us. I CAN wait for the stress, the dirty-ness, the fear, the uncomfortable facts about living outside. It’s a catch-22… a good one.

Maine. I have a love-hate relationship with it. (like the trip)

To quote the late Andrew Wyeth, “I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.”

Winter is beautiful here. It is such an awesome thing when the earth is made anew again. Fresh every time the snow falls. It’s blanketed in absolute undeniable beauty often here. We live on the bay and I don’t really know if I can really communicate the crisp clean stark purity that the snow brings. I love it.

then again,

ugh. so much trouble. its freezing here all the time. when they plow, the snow piles are everywhere and they look horrid and oily and brown and really depressing. it makes driving tough and downright dangerous sometimes. my entire body tenses up just with the thought of braving the cold. i am not made for this environment. give me a front porch, a rocking chair, a sun dress, and some sweet tea!

Dan is at a bible study with the men of our church. I am happy he is there. I can’t be his elder or his spiritual leader and I believe that everyone needs someone to teach them and lead them. Iron sharpening iron… I want him to continue to grow as a man of God and I want to glean from that. I miss him though.

Time is passing. I hope I’m consciously living in today and not always in the future. Just a thought.

you are worth more

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