Posts Tagged With: Dan

To see the full list of questions, head here.

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

I feel great about myself when I think about two things: My relationship with my husband and my accomplishments that seem impossible. I feel amazing when I think about what I have done.

I have a lot of self-hate and self-deprecation going on in my head and my heart and its not right and it’s no ones fault but my own. Sometimes I let that steal my happiness away even when there are things that I should be proud of. I let that steal my happiness when I have a life that I wanted. I let that steal my happiness even when I somehow have a husband who does nothing but support and love me like a rock. I let that steal my happiness when I can look back to some of my deepest days of self-hate and I see that I was beautiful then… and I refused to see it. I let that steal my happiness and therefore I let that rule my life.

I was NOT created to hate myself. I was not created to be boastful. I was created for a reason and I am loved. I should feel GREAT about that!

So… I feel great about myself when I think about the value I have placed on my relationship with my husband and the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt that we are meant to be, and we are taking care of that love feverishly, recklessly, selfishly, and single-mindedly. Our together-ness is the birthplace of all of our dreams. Without him, and without me, and without the love we were given through God, none of these dreams would even be thought of. A better life? A small business that is anything but small to us? Kayaking the east coast? Moving where we want to be? It is because of love that we have done any of these things and why we dream still.

I feel great about myself when I think about the fact that I decided to pursue a life different than the easy path, and I see that I am walking that harder and more rewarding path.

I feel great about myself when I look in the mirror and see less of what I decide to hate, and more of what I love.

I feel great about myself when I remember that this body, that I simply refuse to love, kayaked from Lubec Maine to Key West Florida. When I remember that this body that I hate, hiked, climbed, and canoed for 21 days in college, in spite of the tears and self-doubt. I feel great about myself when I stand in Tadasana, sure of the legs and back and shoulders that are strong and keeping me up.

I feel great about myself when I realize that in less than 3 years, I really AM a wedding photographer, and it is not only my job, but my career, and I CHOSE it. It didn’t ”just work out.” I made it work. I haven’t given up. I won’t give up. Who knows if this is what I will do forever, but I promise you that if it ends, it will not be born of giving up.

I feel great about myself when I see those traumas in my life and I can step back even a small amount and see that with God, I have come out stronger. I am no longer a victim of those events, but a carrier of the story that I can tell, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is. I am proof.

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

(Thank you Sue Bryce for being open and heartfelt… you are a part of my story now.)