6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

I would say that I am naturally good at the beginnings of aesthetics, photography, listening, concern for others, decorating home, and music. Let me stress the words “the beginnings of” because I believe that I was born with an innate ability to do those things, but that didn’t mean that I WAS good at them without putting in the effort. I believe in working on things.

It’s almost noon. I woke up at 7:00 am made Dan cinnamon rolls, set the table with a tiny easter basket, ruby tulips, a card, and fresh coffee. I went back in the bedroom and woke him up with Keith Green’s Easter Song and a waterfall of kisses. We enjoyed a  sweet breakfast full of sugar, read the Easter story, told stories of Easter’s in our childhood, and called our families. Dan left for work and I read a little bit, did my hair and makeup (which I never do but want to start) and listened to a little Charles Trenet as I cleaned the house. The house is not spotless. Im not finished with hardly anything I have started today so far. But I’m smiling. My heart almost burst when I looked down the hallway and saw Hattie standing up and peering out the front door with her tail wagging.

I believe that God wants us to enjoy our lives, as broken, humble, and unfinished as they are. He is close to me today and I am smiling and thankful for his creativity, that fills my day with his beauty.

My hope for you today is that you will be filled with a little happy today too….

5. Who inspires you most? Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

It’s funny to think about. Off the top of my head, in am inspired typically by a type of person, and not one person in particular. If I had to put names on them, they would be people like Peter Jenkins, Corrie Ten Boom, Katie Davis, Elizabeth Gilbert, Tim Ferriss, Jen Hatmaker, Rose in Titanic and while we are at it let’s add Jack too,  J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Anne Shirley (aka Anne of Green Gables), Laura Ingles Wilder, Esther, Julie Andrews, Walt Disney, Sue Bryce and Justine Curvengen to name a very small few.

Google them if they are unfamiliar to you.

Some are artists. Some are leaders. Some are adventurers. Some are writers. Some are servants. Some are female characters in Novels! To say they are alike is a stretch in the highest sense. That being said, they are all unique, brave, fringe dwellers in the highest sense of the compliment, and strong even though they have faced really large challenges. I see them as over-comers, and people in touch with their romantic dreamer selves. This is always inspiring to me and more than anything, I want to be one who possesses these traits.

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

I feel great about myself when I think about two things: My relationship with my husband and my accomplishments that seem impossible. I feel amazing when I think about what I have done.

I have a lot of self-hate and self-deprecation going on in my head and my heart and its not right and it’s no ones fault but my own. Sometimes I let that steal my happiness away even when there are things that I should be proud of. I let that steal my happiness when I have a life that I wanted. I let that steal my happiness even when I somehow have a husband who does nothing but support and love me like a rock. I let that steal my happiness when I can look back to some of my deepest days of self-hate and I see that I was beautiful then… and I refused to see it. I let that steal my happiness and therefore I let that rule my life.

I was NOT created to hate myself. I was not created to be boastful. I was created for a reason and I am loved. I should feel GREAT about that!

So… I feel great about myself when I think about the value I have placed on my relationship with my husband and the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt that we are meant to be, and we are taking care of that love feverishly, recklessly, selfishly, and single-mindedly. Our together-ness is the birthplace of all of our dreams. Without him, and without me, and without the love we were given through God, none of these dreams would even be thought of. A better life? A small business that is anything but small to us? Kayaking the east coast? Moving where we want to be? It is because of love that we have done any of these things and why we dream still.

I feel great about myself when I think about the fact that I decided to pursue a life different than the easy path, and I see that I am walking that harder and more rewarding path.

I feel great about myself when I look in the mirror and see less of what I decide to hate, and more of what I love.

I feel great about myself when I remember that this body, that I simply refuse to love, kayaked from Lubec Maine to Key West Florida. When I remember that this body that I hate, hiked, climbed, and canoed for 21 days in college, in spite of the tears and self-doubt. I feel great about myself when I stand in Tadasana, sure of the legs and back and shoulders that are strong and keeping me up.

I feel great about myself when I realize that in less than 3 years, I really AM a wedding photographer, and it is not only my job, but my career, and I CHOSE it. It didn’t ”just work out.” I made it work. I haven’t given up. I won’t give up. Who knows if this is what I will do forever, but I promise you that if it ends, it will not be born of giving up.

I feel great about myself when I see those traumas in my life and I can step back even a small amount and see that with God, I have come out stronger. I am no longer a victim of those events, but a carrier of the story that I can tell, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is. I am proof.

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”
― Leonardo da Vinci

(Thank you Sue Bryce for being open and heartfelt… you are a part of my story now.)

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

This is a fun one! I love track of time when I am organizing, designing websites in Showit, reading, talking with Dan about the future, and cuddling. For sure. I get really really focused when I know that the task is accomplishable. For example, yesterday I knew I wanted to let our couples know about our Albums, and a few new changes that we were offering, like sizes and prices… etc etc. The problem was that we had no sleek way of showing them to them. I built an entire new website just for showing them off. It took me probably 5 hours of intense design and when I came up for air, I had a new website, 20 emails sent (all individually written for each couple and their specific wedding) and an unbelievable sense of accomplishment.  Am I a nerd? A week or so ago, I spent every day for 3-4 days going through paperwork and sorting and filing it. I woke up in the morning…. excited. THAT is how nerdy I am.

#2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

Yesterday this question was daunting to me. The reason for that is the fact that throughout the last year, I have been struggling about what it is that I actually enjoy other than working. I know that sounds horrible, but I have lost myself among all the work and tasks and to-do lists and forgotten what life is really all about. I forgot what I was working for. I forgot that all this work was ultimately for the purpose of having more time to spend living life. The cold hard truth was that when I carved more time out for myself, I filled it with busy work and not with things that I enjoy. That…. obviously…. is a problem. I am in the process of changing it.

To answer the first part of the question, in the past my favorite things to do were playing music in an ensemble, camping and being outdoors, kayaking, hiking, singing worship in church, going on adventures of all kinds, road trips, live music, wine on the beach at night, missionary work (which has been a rarity but fun when I did it), and hanging out with my friends.

To answer the second part of the question… I would most likely say the same things! The really sad thing is that I rarely do any of the above. This will change.

#2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

Yikes. This one scares me because of the second part. It scares me enough I need a little more time….

Come back tomorrow….

#1. What makes you smile?

This should be easy!

• First and foremost, it’s gotta be Dan. I adore him and when we just hang out together, I spend most of the time smiling. He knows me, and he knows me better than anyone else on earth, including myself.
• Hattie, if this is any indication of how much joy a baby will bring to my life, I am in trouble. I am constantly happy when Hattie is with me. She makes me smile just thinking about her.
• Relics from my past. I have spent the past few days going through all the boxes I have of papers and trinkets that I kept since I was a little girl. They were filled with notes and cards, pamphlets from places we visited as a family when I was little, stickers, potcards, awards, and photos. It’s been a chore, don’t get me wrong, but each of these things and papers that I felt important enough to keep for decades, all just made my heart warmer. I remember looking through boxes of my moms things from her childhood, and how much I studied them and called them precious. I guess I always wanted to have that for my own children.
• The ocean… I swear just knowing it’s close is enough to make me smile. Im not even kidding.
• Dreams. When Dan and I are brewing up and idea, wether or not it actually comes to fruition, I am smiling. It makes me really really happy. It is honestly half of the adventure.
• Rain. Fog. Misty-ness. Blue weather.
• Fog horns and ringing buoy bells.
• Fresh flowers.
• Vacation. I know there are a lot of people out there who say they love to travel, and I recently realized that is what I have been saying all along, except I used the word Vacation, which makes me sound lazy. Ha!
• Organizing.
• Taking photos and then looking back through them 10 years later.
• Real Mail.
• Family and traditions. I like familiar things and comforting things that are on a circle of time. They repeat. They are understandable and feel like a warm fuzzy sweater. My life is crazy and busy and hard to predict, so when I see a family member or do something with them that we have “always done” it comforts me.
• The feeling of accomplishment. I love it.

So I don’t think this is all-inclusive, but it IS what happened to occur to me this evening.

First, in a literal sense, it is snowing outside, Dan has the car, and even if I had the car, I don’t know where I would go and not spend money. All I see as a possibility for this Sunday would be to sit around and read and watch tv, or do some things on my to-do list that Ive been putting off, which is what I do literally every single day. I gotta tell you, it seriously love accomplishing tasks. It’s my ju-ju. That being said, being alone inside these four wall every day taking care of business and Dan coming home at completely random unpredictable times needing food or some other thing and then leaving in a hurry always, is just not my idea of a good day. Sorry. So Im sitting here looking down the barrel of another day doing the same things is just depressing.

In a figurative since, I am stuck in life. Repetitive mundane days are driving me MAD! I want to live a life of adventure!!! I want to fill my days with experiences that are worth telling my kids about. I want to be outside, on the water, and at the end of the day I want to be tired and eat my dinner knowing that I earned that meal. The times in my life that I felt so alive it hurt, were always at the end of days when I spent the day doing something adventurous  To me that only means doing something that was hard, a teeny bit scary, and took effort that someone else may not be willing to put into doing. For example: One day on the kayak trip, Dan and I paddled a really long day and landed on a little island right outside of Portland Maine. We got to the island, set up camp, and then explored a little building that was abandoned there. We took a photo walk, and I even went off by myself and photographed Dan from afar while he got dinner started. We cooked up a little mac and cheese, with our favorite trail secret ingredient: french fried onions! We built a little fire just below the high tide line, plated up our macaroni, and watched the sunset. After it got dark, we called Dan’s mom and just had the kind of phone call that makes you miss your family like you never knew you could. We hung up and just sat together until the fire burned itself out. It was one of my favorite nights in my life. THAT is how I want my days to be.

I know it’s impractical to have an adventure every day, its just that I want my life to be more adventure than not.

Lord, please give me the strength to break free from the chains that hold me too close to the comforts of modern life, that in-turn keep my away from the life you meant for me to live. You have given me this fervor for life, and I want to honor it.

I am going to embark on a little blogging mission to see if I can re-focus my spare time a little better, (wait what is spare time again?). Sometimes I feel like when I finish work for the day, I honestly don’t know what I want to do or myself. There are a lot of projects that I could work on and get done, but there has to be something more important out there. Perhaps Im not exactly looking for something more important but instead Im looking for something more FUN! I just want to make sure that I have realized what it is I WANT to be doing with my time. Does that make sense? Therefore… why not explore…

I am going to do it a little differently then suggested in the blog I found it in originally. I just want to really delve into these questions rather than only taking the 60 seconds as allotted. Check back and I will be posting my answers to these questions. If you are on board, you can play along too!

<—– cheers to you

15 Questions:

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)

2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

7. What do people typically ask you for help in?

8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

11. What are your deepest values? Select 3 to 6  and prioritize the words in order of importance to you.

12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?

14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? ( to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)

Thanks to http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/life-on-purpose-15-questions-to-discover-your-personal-mission/